F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Those funny letters creating one fruitful meaning in my world: Friends. I remembered back when I just started to begun my college years, I’ve decided to not start close relationship to any of the new person I met. In return, I got my best friends there. It’s baffling me that it has been 10 years this year that we’ve been friends.

And then, I go to work. Generally, you don’t get best friends at work, you get colleagues, leaders, bosses, etc. It’s funny how I ended working at this company where everybody seems to be another body’s best buddy. From working hour to weekends, everyone is doing it together. It might sounded like we live in a very small community, but no, we’re expanding. It is still the greatest feeling I have ever since.

From those I’ve met, hanged out with; I found this particular 2 persons, whose really “grabbing” me. I just can’t stop looking after/to them. For me, both of them are my super role-models.

One of them kept me on the ground with her sensible thought. I could be gone mad as hell, and she could just mention a sentence that totally make sense and I would suddenly calm down. We had our moment, in the past 6 years of friendship, we had that moment when perhaps we hate each other. We pissed of over simple things, like deciding where to eat, or where to go, or even her pissed of me for being to nuts over tidying up things. But we never stopped being friends, from eavesdropping next-table’s conversation in cafe, telling your secrets, being slouchy together and angry together.

If not because of her, I thought I could be not as sensible as I am today. I have this thrive to easily burned out and fired back whenever something tick me off. Because of her, I learned the most that you just have to take a deep breath, do the thinking first, and then act. It’s still not an easy thing for me, but I’d say, it’s a progress.

While the other, it’s quite magical on how a regular coffee moment every morning every day before we started working could turn us into the best buddies. He is a great person, a great leader with the most cynical attitude I’ve ever met. Yet, he is one of the smartest, the most logical, and surprisingly has quite some similar attitude and thinking with mine.

I learned from him that having an ambition as wide as the sea is good. I learned that baby step of doing the ambition need to be done, and those baby step will be always the hardest. I learned that even a baby step is a super hard work, I learned that when you fall down, you just have to get up and walk forward. Fix everything wrong, avoid to do the mistake second time, and do it again. Yes, he is cynical, but I’ll say he has even more positive attitude that the average person has.

In a way, these two persons have balanced out my personality in the past years. I wouldn’t trade them with anything else. So, for both of you, I send you with my biggest gratitude and love for always standing beside me. Annoyed me, taught me, cursed with me, built me and just being there as my best of best-est friends.

Love you to the moon and back!

Expectation and Hope

Here, where I live, I see a lot of young people get married in such a young age. Despite of living in this 21st century where you are not supposed to married very young, many people choose to do so. My few close friends for example, got married when she was just 22; or even some of the male friends, who are going to be married this year before he is 26! Well, I am not despising their decision; it’s their own life, and I expect/suppose that they know what they are doing. Divorce rates are to devastating, so yes, hopefully they made the decision with a clear head.

 

So, back to me, my same-aged-cousin, male, is going to married by next year. My other same-aged-relative, female, is getting married by this September. Here, male is not expected to be married in early ages, but female is expected to be married sooner. Both wedding plans have, to be honest, been killing me. Why? Because the aunties, the uncles are suddenly questioning, “When’s your turn?”; “Why don’t  you have any boyfriend?”; “You must stop working to much!”; etc. It was fine at first, and then get more annoying, and then sometimes, it bugged me. It bugged me in questions like: “Will I meet someone someday?”, “Will I settle down soon as well?”. 

Yes, it bugged me in a way, each time there are close male friends talking to me; I turned the conversation into some sorts of expectation. Some hope that there was something. Creating this imagination of what if, what if he got some intention to me? Will I just hop into the relationship? Or, maybe he’s just not really suit me. Because I would not tolerate his behavior in this part or that part. These crazy imaginations have came regularly. Actually, I just have those imagination just yesterday. 

Very stupid enough, I got these 2-3 male friends that sometimes (yes, it was just sometimes) chatted with me. I realized, I have let go one of them, and really think that he is truly just a friend, I don’t want to expect more. But then, there is this one, seems so understanding, joking around, seems nice. Of course, I was having the daydreaming, only to making fool of myself; because should he was sort of into you, it wouldn’t take that long to make a move. 

As usual, it always ends in only one way, I am slapping myself, back to the present time. Oh, that’s not real, you are just pretending. Your male friends, really, really think that you are his friend. That’s it. Nothing less, nothing more. He might enjoy talking to me, but that doesn’t mean that he is into me. I might be just a good friend to talk with. Yes, I am always back to reality with this thought. 

 

I came in a way thinking that I have to stop giving expectation, hoping, and imagining whatever could happened with my male friends here. I need to remind myself that whenever it going to happen, it will do. And actually, I am reminding myself right now. Being single is never bad, never, never bad. It is much better for being on my own instead of choosing wrong and ended up in increasing the divorce rate or every hard relationship time. 

 

Somewhere crossing the so-called-quarter-life-crisis. 

Ordinary People

Every problem will have its own solution. Maybe we really should have take it slower instead.

Girl im in love with you
This ain’t the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we’ll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

[Chorus]

We’re just ordinary people
We don’t know which way to go
Cuz we’re ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we’ll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we’ll take it slow

This ain’t a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya’ll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it’s heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss then we make up on the way

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it’s not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

[Chorus]

We’re just ordinary people
We don’t know which way to go
Cuz we’re ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we’ll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we’ll take it slow

Take it slow
Maybe we’ll live and learn
Maybe we’ll crash and burn
Maybe you’ll stay, maybe you’ll leave,
maybe you’ll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won’t survive
But maybe we’ll grow
We never know baby youuuu and I

[Chorus]

We’re just ordinary people
We don’t know which way to go
Cuz we’re ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Heyyy)
We’re just ordinary people
We don’t know which way to go
Cuz we’re ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we’ll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we’ll take it slow

 

❤ ❤ ❤

The Unsolved One…

The great things of being persistent in writing once in a month for (almost) consecutive 14 months (I missed out June 2012) is I have a minimum 14 posts to read. And it even greater as I have 39 posts to be read. It gives myself a chill, joy, tear, laugh, and smile on each of the stories. Reminding me of what had happened, what I had gone through and how each of the writing remind the best and the worst out of me.

Being as a researcher (yes! I am truly proud of me being a researcher, although I am not – yet – the best), I was taught to look on the information hidden, or perhaps let’s called it “insight”. This term is widely used in every researcher, as we do research to get that one single sentence that make people called out “AHA!”. So, going through all my posts, I realized something, this is might be not really an insight, but a conclusion instead. I realized that I only write things that happened to me and it is already solved. If something is happening currently, and the solution is not yet there, I wouldn’t (or correction) write it down here.

 

I am not a good “finisher”. I tend to get bored easily, therefore I would do things and left it unattended and/or unfinished. Letting this blog going through it’s (now) 40th post, and 14 months afterwards is truly something. And then, the content of the writing, with the ending up of conclusion and good closure, those are even more surprising. I thought I would never have the gut to finish a thing. Looking back, yes, it was a big struggle for me to finish the writing with a great conclusion and closing, but I am starting to get use to it.

I think this blog has turned to be my own therapy for having things finished. Things are supposed to have a great closure and ending. A beginning is supposed to be started from one hell of great closure and ending, yet each of them will have various length before it reached the ending part. Deep in my heart, mind, and soul; I know exactly there is one thing I need to finish. Deep down, the curiosity of this “unsolved one” has bulged out in my heart in a past one year. It burden me, blocked my sight and my way through a new beginning. I never realized that it has been such a big block for me to move anywhere – until now. So, by writing this down, I made a promise to myself that I will finish and then write down this “unsolved one”, get back to life, and create a new beginning.

 

Karawaci, July 15th 2012.