Browsing through the posts I’ve written, it seems like currently my life is really full of my friends, work, and sister. I hardly wrote about relationship. However, something struck me this week. In university time, I have 3 close girlfriends; we used to talk anything from university’s projects, classmate, boys-to-be-men, and everything. Time flies fast, suddenly, I am (finally) fully aware that one of them is getting married in 10 days; another has engaged last October, and the third has been talking about getting married within end of 2012 or early 2013. It’s funny, but I felt a little bit left behind by them, not that I am not happy with my life. It just they are moving to the next step of life-changing-moments in same path, while my life-changing-moments has the only different path. And of course, you can guess it, every time we meet each other, the questions will be “hey, have you got any boyfriend, yet?”.
The last relationship I had, was lasted for 4 years. Yes, I know it was quite long enough; some relatives even said that I was just wasting my time. I am not going to debate with those, decision had been made, I know exactly what I was doing. At least (in good or bad) I am the one who responsible for the decision. So, one of the three girls is asking me, what’s exactly do you find in a man that you think suited you the most? And she notes that I cannot answer affection, because of course the affection is too obvious. My answer is “Acceptance” – I am not going to lie that I have my own list of what kind of the perfect man I would like to have in a relationship. Every girls in this world will surely have this list. But, in reality, you know that nobody is perfect, and that God will give you what you need not what you want.
So, before explaining on the acceptance, I questioned back my friends, of why she is so sure she will get married with this guy. What makes she think that this one is the right one? She said, she is ready for a more serious relationship. At first, she admitted that adapting in new relationship was very difficult. With the 7 years gap, the world seemed to be so much different on her side and his side. They way he think and act are quite different with her. They were struggling hard, no one would want to tolerate on things. My friend here is quite stubborn, dominant, and love to lead (even though she is a girl). Of course, with those habit, you’ll unconsciously trying to take over on everything else. We always said that, girl love to have a man than can lead, taking decision, and can be relied on (oh yes, we are independent, but we also need that quality in a man). But being so dominant, my friend is slowly tired of searching those quality in her boyfriend.
Until at one point, she realized that, actually, she doesn’t have to be taking the leading role. She can learn to let go, eventually, her man will take the steer of from her and drive it well. And that’s the point, where everything started to get better. She let her boyfriend to lead, taking control without ignoring her opinions. They walk as if they were one instead two. Both of them are filling for each other. And that, I said to her, THAT is acceptance.
At the point she realized and started to let go of her dominant part, she has just accepted the “need”, instead of forcing “want”. So, back to her question to me, I explained, yes, I do have some criteria of the “perfect” man, but what I am truly looking for is: “Am I going to accept him if the criteria turns out to be not “perfect” in want definition, but “perfect” in need definition.”
Karawaci, November 16th 2011 – BTW, I am happy with my path 🙂 we are good friends, but it doesn’t mean all of us have to walk together in one line and I am super happy for you girls