When parenting style is not the main story

Recently, I wrote that I am halfway finishing “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” (The Bad Guy). Well, I finished it, and someone asked me: “What’s the moral of the story?”. Here’s the answer in my humble opinion.


In overal, the points taken from the books:

  1. Too much of something won’t do you good.
  2. Every people in this world is unique, you cannot expect the same from even the most similar pair.
  3. (In my very humble opinion) this book is not asking the readers to state which one is better: Chinese parenting or Western parenting.



Before I read this book, a lot of review was attacking Amy Chua of “harassing” her daughters of a very strict teaching. She decided and even forced her daughter to do whatever she thought it is right. To be honest, at first, I was thinking: “Oh, she should not do that, because everything should be balance, nothing too much. It would cause her bad in the future.” Until now, I am still thinking everything should be balance, and too much of something won’t do people good. But, I am no longer saying she shouldn’t do that. Outsiders like us tend to give critics, but we are actually never be inside of that family. In short, we cannot say what’s best or what’s bad for them. We just read, we don’t know the real situation there.


So, instead of saying what Amy Chua done is right or wrong, I took some of the moral points. In the book, Amy wrote that her younger daughter: Lulu, was a big rebel. Everything she has done to Sophia (elder daughter) seemed to not working to Lulu. I learned here, that every people has a unique personalities, has to received different treatment. Therefore, comparing is not necessary. I remembered, when I was young, I really hate the fact that my mother kept comparing me with my classmate who has a higher score. At one point (if I am not mistaken, I was at early Junior High School), I talked-back to her and said, “How can you compare me with my friends? I am different!”. After a lot of arguments, thanks God, my mom finally realized that comparing such things won’t do me good. It happened in the book as well, Lulu is a total different person from Sophia, frankly, she is stubborn. And that’s why Amy Chua has to given up on insisting her playing violin.

The other point of too much of something won’t do you good. Yes, you might have heard this so many times, as even to much drinking water (more than 2 liters a day) will harm your kidney. Here, Amy wrote every single bizarre things about how she tortured her daughters. But you see that she loved her daughters, and she has a great husband, who tried his best in balancing his “rudeness” to their daughters. If you read it by Amy’s point-of-view, it will look like there are no balancing act. But when you’re reading Sophia Chua-Rubenfield blogs, you’ll know that her father is the “balancing factor”.


I cannot help to say this, but I don’t get why people is comparing about the Chinese parenting style with Western parenting style because of this book. From all points taken from the book, what I learned is that, if you are able to combine both, you’ll be the greatest parents (sorry for my high-idealism here).

I remembered the story from my colleagues, he has a twin – a boy and a girl. Recently, in Lebaran holiday, house-maids are all returning to their hometown, therefore, my colleague here need to take a full week leave to help his wife on their 3 children. He told us that at first day taking care of them, he yelled at his son (the twin), but in return he was scolded by his wife because he shouldn’t yelled to that boy. He quite confused, but then, he learned by watching his wife that whole week that, the one that need to be scolded is actually the other twin (the girl one). This little girl is such a stubborn, and she don’t scare of anything. While the boy is more humble and sincere compared to his sister. Here I learned that even to twin, you cannot give the same treatment. You need to see what’s the personality, and how to treat them in a better way.


Well, I am talking like I was a parenting expert (HAHA!). The truth is, this is just my opinion from people surrounding. What’s the best parenting style? It’s truly based on yourself.