I remembered, all of this thing was started somewhat 6 years ago; when my very intellectual crush encouraged me to write. Because I love to read. It was somewhat a good encouragement, I do love to write. I was clueless at first, but I can consistently write in 2 years; well, not everyday – I was committing to once per month. But it was a very good progress.
And then, I stopped having crush with that person. As soon as that, I stopped writing. Just back here and there in between years. I was thinking, how I would go just to make someone happy by doing what he’s asking me to do. Well, we grew up don’t we? I realized, it’s not the end of the crush that stopped me writing. It’s because I am happy, sedated, and settled after that.
I found out these days that writing turns out to be somewhat my therapy when I faced some of big things in my life that intrigued me; that changed me. Back when I started to write, that was because I was in uncertain feelings toward my crush. I might be not necessary writing about my wariness, the anxiety, and the curiosity. But I was writing about what he had said, what he had encouraged me to do. That way, I was unconsciously doing my therapy. When the feelings gone, I started writing for another year. That’s because I was struggling with my new workplace. It was challenging, exhausting, yet inspiring. It deserved to be put as one of my whole career milestone, am totally not shy to mention that I was indeed once working in that thriving company. But, I am never afraid to say that I am not the suitable one there; hence the move back to the previous company. Let say, I was back to my happy place (still do until now). Of course, there were bits of everything here and there, but nothing much to disturbed my thoughts, my conscience about life that I had to write.
So yeah, I got back to writing, because I need my therapy as what I am facing right now has challenged everything I believed on. Three weeks had passed since that day. It’s like day counting, I would love to fast forward to see how this will end. But I guessed, for people like me, such hardship will be meant more for me. It would be carved in my heart, mind, and soul forever. I believed, things happened for reasons. With this situation happened, I know that God has another plan for me. To be a better person, to be thriving. That I might be a purpose for other, that I might be working wonder for other, or perhaps I might be creating pain for the other.
Whatever it will be, I know that you’ll never be able to please all people. Some will get hurt, some will gain. Some will be angry, some will be accepting. The one thing I am sure is that I am not in this alone. There are two people facing the same situation. I believe with my all heart with this person. As this one will give the best of a person can do. And I will take the consequences no matter what it will be ended someday. In my deeper heart, I know this would take more time than the other issue, but you have faced even longer time in facing yours. I can wait, I can be patient, I can be taking a little longer to look for the end of that chapter. And we’ll move on to whatever we’ll decide someday.
As said, this piece, again, will be the kind of therapy I needed.