Expectation and Hope

Here, where I live, I see a lot of young people get married in such a young age. Despite of living in this 21st century where you are not supposed to married very young, many people choose to do so. My few close friends for example, got married when she was just 22; or even some of the male friends, who are going to be married this year before he is 26! Well, I am not despising their decision; it’s their own life, and I expect/suppose that they know what they are doing. Divorce rates are to devastating, so yes, hopefully they made the decision with a clear head.

 

So, back to me, my same-aged-cousin, male, is going to married by next year. My other same-aged-relative, female, is getting married by this September. Here, male is not expected to be married in early ages, but female is expected to be married sooner. Both wedding plans have, to be honest, been killing me. Why? Because the aunties, the uncles are suddenly questioning, “When’s your turn?”; “Why don’t  you have any boyfriend?”; “You must stop working to much!”; etc. It was fine at first, and then get more annoying, and then sometimes, it bugged me. It bugged me in questions like: “Will I meet someone someday?”, “Will I settle down soon as well?”. 

Yes, it bugged me in a way, each time there are close male friends talking to me; I turned the conversation into some sorts of expectation. Some hope that there was something. Creating this imagination of what if, what if he got some intention to me? Will I just hop into the relationship? Or, maybe he’s just not really suit me. Because I would not tolerate his behavior in this part or that part. These crazy imaginations have came regularly. Actually, I just have those imagination just yesterday. 

Very stupid enough, I got these 2-3 male friends that sometimes (yes, it was just sometimes) chatted with me. I realized, I have let go one of them, and really think that he is truly just a friend, I don’t want to expect more. But then, there is this one, seems so understanding, joking around, seems nice. Of course, I was having the daydreaming, only to making fool of myself; because should he was sort of into you, it wouldn’t take that long to make a move. 

As usual, it always ends in only one way, I am slapping myself, back to the present time. Oh, that’s not real, you are just pretending. Your male friends, really, really think that you are his friend. That’s it. Nothing less, nothing more. He might enjoy talking to me, but that doesn’t mean that he is into me. I might be just a good friend to talk with. Yes, I am always back to reality with this thought. 

 

I came in a way thinking that I have to stop giving expectation, hoping, and imagining whatever could happened with my male friends here. I need to remind myself that whenever it going to happen, it will do. And actually, I am reminding myself right now. Being single is never bad, never, never bad. It is much better for being on my own instead of choosing wrong and ended up in increasing the divorce rate or every hard relationship time. 

 

Somewhere crossing the so-called-quarter-life-crisis. 

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