The Unsolved One…

The great things of being persistent in writing once in a month for (almost) consecutive 14 months (I missed out June 2012) is I have a minimum 14 posts to read. And it even greater as I have 39 posts to be read. It gives myself a chill, joy, tear, laugh, and smile on each of the stories. Reminding me of what had happened, what I had gone through and how each of the writing remind the best and the worst out of me.

Being as a researcher (yes! I am truly proud of me being a researcher, although I am not – yet – the best), I was taught to look on the information hidden, or perhaps let’s called it “insight”. This term is widely used in every researcher, as we do research to get that one single sentence that make people called out “AHA!”. So, going through all my posts, I realized something, this is might be not really an insight, but a conclusion instead. I realized that I only write things that happened to me and it is already solved. If something is happening currently, and the solution is not yet there, I wouldn’t (or correction) write it down here.

 

I am not a good “finisher”. I tend to get bored easily, therefore I would do things and left it unattended and/or unfinished. Letting this blog going through it’s (now) 40th post, and 14 months afterwards is truly something. And then, the content of the writing, with the ending up of conclusion and good closure, those are even more surprising. I thought I would never have the gut to finish a thing. Looking back, yes, it was a big struggle for me to finish the writing with a great conclusion and closing, but I am starting to get use to it.

I think this blog has turned to be my own therapy for having things finished. Things are supposed to have a great closure and ending. A beginning is supposed to be started from one hell of great closure and ending, yet each of them will have various length before it reached the ending part. Deep in my heart, mind, and soul; I know exactly there is one thing I need to finish. Deep down, the curiosity of this “unsolved one” has bulged out in my heart in a past one year. It burden me, blocked my sight and my way through a new beginning. I never realized that it has been such a big block for me to move anywhere – until now. So, by writing this down, I made a promise to myself that I will finish and then write down this “unsolved one”, get back to life, and create a new beginning.

 

Karawaci, July 15th 2012.

The Power of Communication (Read: Talking)

Human being is the most complicated things in the world. In one single individual, there are a lot of thinking process, perceiving what happened in surrounding, deciding on things, and many other activities. This most beautiful and complicated human being, somehow somewhat in certain circumstances appears as a dumb-ass as well. That’s when they are faced with: relationship. Not only the love relationship things, I mean every single relationship: family, work, friends, lovers, etc. This smart human being suddenly being dumb, being over-think, yet never get the solution of a problem. Cracking up, the main problem here is simple, as simple as remembering the rules of:

Relationship is always a (minimal) two persons matters.

Working life has somehow taught me a lot. It bring out the best and the worst of myself. I get to know myself even better here. I know I would prefer to be treated in which way, I understand that I work in certain ways. However, nobody’s the same. No matter, you said you have a similar behavior to one self, you will always have that different small details. How do we overcome this differences? No.. let’s step back a little bit, how do we know about this differences at first place? We TALK. We DISCUSS. And of course we SOLVE. There is no point of you know, you talk about it, you know there is a problem, yet you leave it as if there’s nothing you could do to solve it.

 

I was having a very hard time with working in the past 3 months. It all started from my probation, preparing the material is a pain. As I have to go through all of this together with doing some other working presentation. It didn’t stop there, as soon as it is finished, there is still a lot of stuff going on afterward. I can bear those workload really well, unfortunately, because every work is related to your superior or your surrounding, the workload became “complicated”.

The workload seemed to be more difficult, especially when I thought that my superior was not helping at all. I thought she was a pain, she ordered around, she put on a lot of pressure and workload. Fair judgement, I couldn’t blame solely everything to her as well, she also had her own workload, perhaps even more. But than, I am still a human anyway, I will stretch until a point where the fatigue is there; and that’s when everything is broke up. You started to whine, and blame everything on somebody else. I stopped performing (in terms of work), and deeply, I realized that eventually she will feel it as well. Thinking of that, it would be no fair for her to get an under-performed employee, and in the other hand, it would be also not fair for me because I am slowly sinking my own ship. I believe in every single problem in this world, there will be a true match of solution. And for that, I believe that there is only one way to solve this awkwardness: COMMUNICATE – TALK.

Oh yes, this talking thing isn’t as easy as it said. It took all your guts to talk (or for some people it might sound like you’re whining over your boss). It took every last breath you have to try on speaking up what’s the matter of yourself. It took all your brain capacity to justify and not just blaming, but also re-look on what’s wrong with yourself. It took the most courageous part of yourself to also admit that you’re wrong in some part in the conversation as well. But in the end, when we can overcome this barrier, it will be felt really great. Because we have tried our best to solve a problem!

 

I just did the talking today, if felt great. Fortunate for me, she is a very open-minded person who can received the critics and talks well. If not, I might be not ending up talking to her as well! And remain grumpy all the time. I always remind myself, my sister, and others: whenever you have a problem with somebody else, talk through it, because it is never just be about you alone. It’s always about you and somebody else who has (definitely) different way in every aspects. And that’s how you solved problem.

 

 

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Two month since I wrote, 4 months since everything is getting busier. I missed a lot in these months. I forgot my love on reading, I forgot to write, I don’t have time to arrange my stuffs, and I don’t have much time for my closest one.

It’s about time to get this fixed, it’s about time to make decision, it’s about time to choose. Which one will I choose? Which one is the best? We’ll see, let’s get everything fix. Life’s no longer yin and yang, it has been heavy-sided. Let’s decide, fix, and make everything on balance again.