The great things of being persistent in writing once in a month for (almost) consecutive 14 months (I missed out June 2012) is I have a minimum 14 posts to read. And it even greater as I have 39 posts to be read. It gives myself a chill, joy, tear, laugh, and smile on each of the stories. Reminding me of what had happened, what I had gone through and how each of the writing remind the best and the worst out of me.
Being as a researcher (yes! I am truly proud of me being a researcher, although I am not – yet – the best), I was taught to look on the information hidden, or perhaps let’s called it “insight”. This term is widely used in every researcher, as we do research to get that one single sentence that make people called out “AHA!”. So, going through all my posts, I realized something, this is might be not really an insight, but a conclusion instead. I realized that I only write things that happened to me and it is already solved. If something is happening currently, and the solution is not yet there, I wouldn’t (or correction) write it down here.
I am not a good “finisher”. I tend to get bored easily, therefore I would do things and left it unattended and/or unfinished. Letting this blog going through it’s (now) 40th post, and 14 months afterwards is truly something. And then, the content of the writing, with the ending up of conclusion and good closure, those are even more surprising. I thought I would never have the gut to finish a thing. Looking back, yes, it was a big struggle for me to finish the writing with a great conclusion and closing, but I am starting to get use to it.
I think this blog has turned to be my own therapy for having things finished. Things are supposed to have a great closure and ending. A beginning is supposed to be started from one hell of great closure and ending, yet each of them will have various length before it reached the ending part. Deep in my heart, mind, and soul; I know exactly there is one thing I need to finish. Deep down, the curiosity of this “unsolved one” has bulged out in my heart in a past one year. It burden me, blocked my sight and my way through a new beginning. I never realized that it has been such a big block for me to move anywhere – until now. So, by writing this down, I made a promise to myself that I will finish and then write down this “unsolved one”, get back to life, and create a new beginning.
Karawaci, July 15th 2012.