It has been a while since I write.. or do everything other than work and regular basic activity. In the past month, I’ve been put into a very crazy schedule by my work. I was having my probation on May 3rd. When you are working, preparing for probation is just like doubling your workload when your load is at the maximum scale.
Along the way, it wasn’t an easy month; I never break down on any work circumstances, no matter how hard the tasks were (hopefully this remain the same). But at one point, I was panicking, I hadn’t finished any deck for the preparation yet. While at the same time, the work inquire me to be more than occupied. At this point, I got my first blessing, the blessing of being extrovert, able to speak out when I have something in my mind. And followed by the second one, having this wonderful friend of mine that is willing to listen to me despite of his busyness. I didn’t know how to ask for help, but I went through him and just talk randomly, saying word like “I am stressed out”, “I want to kick you (of course this was a joke)”, etc. At the end, it was him who asked “what’s wrong?” and I said that I was having this preparation for freaking probation. After finished pouring all the uncertainty and fear on the probation failure, he just gave me this sentence:
Do you ever heard about “Tsunami Perspective”?
I said no, he said, imagined of those people who had gone through the Tsunami in their life. Some might lost their entire families, no home, no work, nothing to do. They are lost, literally. They don’t know what to do. Some said, you’re blessed because you’re still saved from such huge accident. But then, those who are really the victims, do they really thought that they are blessed? When everything has been forced-taken from their hand?
And then you see yourself, raging, and stressing over your probation. It’s not that your probation is not important, as it defined your future. But the point here is your problem will be solved, you will get through it well, and sometimes we are just overreacting on simple things. The point here is you need to calm down, do the work, and think less.
Well, it struck me, really struck me. I hold on to that phrase throughout the month. After that, I did really calm down (thanks a lot to my friend). And despite of the hard work along the way, I did really have a lot of blessing. Business partners who worked with me, despite of tons of work they gave me, they managed to tone it down because they do understand I was preparing for another deck. And then, my superior, she is just wonderful, I cannot describe how blessed I am having such a understanding and supportive superior in current work. She managed to help me on small things, to keep me focussed on preparing the deck! And then, a lot resources that suddenly came to help enriched my preparation.
Getting through this, I said to myself: It is okay to feel insecure, it is okay to feel stress out, but don’t get in it too long, why? Because I have the capabilities to finish it. You are not a human if you never feel insecure, but when you’re always insecure, than you are not maximizing what have been given to you. Out there, there are a lot of people who have their better rights of being stressful, doubtful, insecure, and anything else, yet a lot of those still survive. If they survived, why don’t you?
Karawaci, May 6th 2012.
Oh, I passed the probation. It felt great. 🙂