Letting Go

Hey Mei (the way my high school friend calling me), you’re family freak, you know? If someone hurt your family, you will always stand up at the front line protecting them. Especially your sister.

 

It was said years ago, on my 18th birthday, in the video they taped for my birthday gift. Back then, I already know that I am a little bit (well, most of my friends said it’s not “little bit” but it’s “very much”) protective of my younger sister. Not that, she cannot protect herself, it just… well, we have 4 years age difference; and no matter what, she’ll be the little one, right? Leaving for university 6 years ago wasn’t hard for me, I am always labelled as the most independent among my siblings. Both my parents never have to worry about me as I am doing things on my own. But it turned out, leaving for university was hard because I had to leave my sister. I knew that I would back on holiday, but it was different. Eventually, I could get over it and got used to it.

Until few years ago, she was finally entering the university life. We started to live together again (both of us live apart from our parents, as they are not living at Jakarta/Karawaci here). It is a really nice sisters relationship if I may say. Without me noticing, she has really grown up, and no longer a little girl that we need to protect. Yes, you can guess it, most of the times, I am still treating that I need to be at the front line for her.

I would scream, mad, and punish her friends, if they hurt her. I would come and finish her problem, if I could. I would be her, if she has super big problem, and solve it, so she don’t need to be hurt. But I know, I can’t. She needs to be grow up, and I need to let her lead her own life.

 

Starting this semester, she was appointed as the team leader for some kind of activity for their major. The first response I felt was, I was scared to hell, because I scared that she wouldn’t able to make it. Even though it wasn’t like super big event, it is still an event anyway. I was the one who loved to join this kind of organizations back then, and I knew exactly how tough it is to lead (for the record, I never took the leader position); frankly, she never involved that much as well, therefore I was scared. But what could I say? She know her capability, or at least, she need to test her own capability, right? So, all I could say was, “Are you sure to took that role? Will it disturb your university activity? If no, then you can take it.”

She told me almost everything, and I am keeping track with her as well. So, this event things, had got a lot of barrier since the start. First, postponed because it crossed other events held by their teacher. And then, conflict of interest between her and her friends (who was the vice leader for that event). After that, the fund thing-y, and a lot of stuffs. Well, not that other event doesn’t have these kind of problems, it just, these was happening for your own sister. And I cannot do anything to help. I can advice, of course, but I was really eager to jump in, and help her solving all of that. Even though it didn’t guarantee no problem would occur, but at least she was not hurt. I knew she had cried and tired with all of that things, but she never gave up, she kept trying, never saying bad things about other; listening about what everyone advised to her. In short, she is incredible, she has huge endurance and patience (something that I don’t have).

 

Few days ago, the event was finally held, and the rest is history. She did it! It might be not the best event ever, but she made it, and everyone was happy with her work. Letting go of the super protective side of me for her, I learned that she is no longer that little sister that need my full protection and hiding on my back. I learned that, she is a great girl, with a lot of patience, endurance, and smiles. She knows how to think, how to act, and how to react (she is really SMART!). She is really a different person from who I am, and yet, I am still falling in love with my little sister with all of that. In short, I am proud of you my little sister.

 

Karawaci, November 6th, 2011 – writing with the “song” of my tired sister’s snore 🙂 love you, my dearest sister.

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