We’ve heard a lot said “too much never do you good”, well I cannot agree more. This time, I was drunk with too much compliments, which almost killed my sense.
A month has passed for the new journey here. Just before I moved, some of the directors in the previous company talked to me. Most of them talking about how good I am, and it would be a great loss for them if I moved to the new place. As previous, I was flattered, and still kept in mind that I need to be down to earth, because there are just lots of better people out there. Then I entered to the new work: first week was great, second through one month; I was like bumping here and there confused about what to do and how to do. In between, the new superior of mine talked to me that, she is expecting much from me. She has heard a lot of me, and (again) it is the good one. Of course, automatically, she set higher expectation with the standard already given there.
I talked to my friend, that I was scared that I might not go through that expectation, as I wasn’t that good. That compliments are just overrated. Enough saying, the truth is I became cocky; as other said, you’re saying “No, I wasn’t that good” just to make other compliment you more. Unconsciously, I was doing all those stupid things. HA! Bad habit of mine.
It comes today, suddenly, out of no where, I realized: I tried too hard to not be me; by trying to change my style in order to get to my superior’s expectation. And I realized (again out of no where), I have just to be me. That’s what they talked about previously about how good I am right? Perhaps, if somebody’s saying “Hey, you’re good”; I’ll try to answer thank you and humble instead. That way, I guess I will manage the compliments I received right? So, I won’t get cocky and fly to the moon without looking to the earth.
Well, I am lying, it doesn’t come out of no where, actually, today I talked to my best friends. One is the best mentor I’ve ever had, one is the irreplaceable friend I found in my first job. The funny things are we don’t talked about what kind of situation I had, what my work is, or what I am feeling right now. We are just talking nonsense, basic regular things as we talked in the past times. From talking my ex-colleagues, how to manage new fresh graduate, or even relationship stuff. In funny way, God gives me a sign that I am better when I am “normal”. And He gave me the talks to be normal with my friends.
After the talks with my friends, I realized, I DO need to follow the new company “rules”, I DO need to follow the way the new colleagues work, but I forgot that I am an unique individual as well. Who can have my own way if I think it is better than the current way, who can have my own decision to make, who is independent in both work and self. And I am really don’t need to think and assess the expectation too much. All I need to do is giving my best, despite of all expectation, be more proactive, and do the work with the best deliverable I can give. I guess that’s what’s all matter.
You see, it’s started from a simple compliments, by several people, in a consecutive days, and I am easily get cocky. I remembered one of my friend said, “You are a very arrogant, currently, in a good way. Because you’re proud of what you have, and what you are able to do. And with that arrogance you built a very high self-confidence. But beware, because the arrogance in a good way, is just an inch away from the bad one.” I was slipped, and getting to know that things are still the usual, I will try my hardest to crawl back to previous good one.
So, whenever there is too much, be always beware. Even if you beware, you can still get “killed”, but if you are brave enough to admit it, you will get through and survive.
Karawaci, November 30th, 2011.