I don’t know what I want, yet

These last few days, I did a LOT of talking with my superiors on the current company due to my resignation. A lot of views, a lot of questions, a lot of concerns, a lot of opinions, and of course, a lot of “WHYs?”

Among all things that was talked in those conversation, there is one most crucial question they’ve asked me: “Why are you resigning, and choose that new company to be your moving place? What do you want in your life?”

 

To all who asked, I explained:

Experience wouldn’t be the reason behind me moving out. Because, I believe that every company, every job, will guarantee you for more experience, but never guarantee you to have enough experience in one place. Some may say, you might want to have another 2 years here, by then you will have gained what you haven’t right now. Well, there is just no right time in the plan. Right time is coming suddenly, without any cautions; we realized it was a right time just after we had the “right time”. So, what’s my reason?

In short term, I want to learn to be closer to the decision maker, or even be the decision maker itself. This thing is something that my current company cannot give for me. Do I have any problems with my current company? No, everything are fine. Quoting from my dearest friend – when you have a problem, the problem should not be the reason of us running away, instead, we need to face the problem, finish it. As when there is a problem, there is a solution. This is simply, I want to increase the game and the risk. So far, I am making recommendations, but I never now what’s the true impact, by moving out, I will (step by step) be the one to be the decision maker itself.

 

Well, is that what I want in my life? To be the decision maker in this great dynamic industry? To be honest, I don’t know what I want yet in my life (in terms of long view). The decision of moving out is one of my way to find out what’s to be exactly what I want. It is really unfortunate that I am not included in the small percentage of those people who is able to know what they really want in their life earlier. Therefore, I am using this opportunity to create options for myself. Yes, some of you may say, too many options will confuse you, but if you don’t have any options, you won’t know the chances either. Everything always has its own pros and cons. This is up to ourselves, how to keep those options on count, and decide which one is the path.

 

The bigger piece of my life now is making the choice of resigning, and moving to the new company. I know exactly that most of the colleagues said that too bad for me making such decision, as I deserved better. But again, this is one life, one chance, and the most important, this is my life. For the good or bad decision I’ve made, I believe both are the best for me. When it’s bad, I get the learning, when it’s good, that it’s good.

This is my way, to make options, to have a choice, to decide what I really want in my life. I am grateful for those who concern, because they won’t concern if they don’t care. We’ll see, where the path really end, it could be the new path, or the current path, or even another path.

 

Karawaci, 30 September 2011 – a note to remind me in next few years, that I am on my way searching for the right path.

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