I don’t know what I want, yet

These last few days, I did a LOT of talking with my superiors on the current company due to my resignation. A lot of views, a lot of questions, a lot of concerns, a lot of opinions, and of course, a lot of “WHYs?”

Among all things that was talked in those conversation, there is one most crucial question they’ve asked me: “Why are you resigning, and choose that new company to be your moving place? What do you want in your life?”

 

To all who asked, I explained:

Experience wouldn’t be the reason behind me moving out. Because, I believe that every company, every job, will guarantee you for more experience, but never guarantee you to have enough experience in one place. Some may say, you might want to have another 2 years here, by then you will have gained what you haven’t right now. Well, there is just no right time in the plan. Right time is coming suddenly, without any cautions; we realized it was a right time just after we had the “right time”. So, what’s my reason?

In short term, I want to learn to be closer to the decision maker, or even be the decision maker itself. This thing is something that my current company cannot give for me. Do I have any problems with my current company? No, everything are fine. Quoting from my dearest friend – when you have a problem, the problem should not be the reason of us running away, instead, we need to face the problem, finish it. As when there is a problem, there is a solution. This is simply, I want to increase the game and the risk. So far, I am making recommendations, but I never now what’s the true impact, by moving out, I will (step by step) be the one to be the decision maker itself.

 

Well, is that what I want in my life? To be the decision maker in this great dynamic industry? To be honest, I don’t know what I want yet in my life (in terms of long view). The decision of moving out is one of my way to find out what’s to be exactly what I want. It is really unfortunate that I am not included in the small percentage of those people who is able to know what they really want in their life earlier. Therefore, I am using this opportunity to create options for myself. Yes, some of you may say, too many options will confuse you, but if you don’t have any options, you won’t know the chances either. Everything always has its own pros and cons. This is up to ourselves, how to keep those options on count, and decide which one is the path.

 

The bigger piece of my life now is making the choice of resigning, and moving to the new company. I know exactly that most of the colleagues said that too bad for me making such decision, as I deserved better. But again, this is one life, one chance, and the most important, this is my life. For the good or bad decision I’ve made, I believe both are the best for me. When it’s bad, I get the learning, when it’s good, that it’s good.

This is my way, to make options, to have a choice, to decide what I really want in my life. I am grateful for those who concern, because they won’t concern if they don’t care. We’ll see, where the path really end, it could be the new path, or the current path, or even another path.

 

Karawaci, 30 September 2011 – a note to remind me in next few years, that I am on my way searching for the right path.

Advertisements

Bigger Piece in My Life

Life’s for sure is about decision. What to wear, what to eat, which path to go, etc – the scale of the decision is really various.

 

September 22nd, 2011. The toughest decision has been made.

Funny. I don’t have words to describe it. One thing for sure and I know how to write it right is I am going to miss what I am leaving behind. A LOT.

When parenting style is not the main story

Recently, I wrote that I am halfway finishing “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” (The Bad Guy). Well, I finished it, and someone asked me: “What’s the moral of the story?”. Here’s the answer in my humble opinion.

 

In overal, the points taken from the books:

  1. Too much of something won’t do you good.
  2. Every people in this world is unique, you cannot expect the same from even the most similar pair.
  3. (In my very humble opinion) this book is not asking the readers to state which one is better: Chinese parenting or Western parenting.

 

 

Before I read this book, a lot of review was attacking Amy Chua of “harassing” her daughters of a very strict teaching. She decided and even forced her daughter to do whatever she thought it is right. To be honest, at first, I was thinking: “Oh, she should not do that, because everything should be balance, nothing too much. It would cause her bad in the future.” Until now, I am still thinking everything should be balance, and too much of something won’t do people good. But, I am no longer saying she shouldn’t do that. Outsiders like us tend to give critics, but we are actually never be inside of that family. In short, we cannot say what’s best or what’s bad for them. We just read, we don’t know the real situation there.

 

So, instead of saying what Amy Chua done is right or wrong, I took some of the moral points. In the book, Amy wrote that her younger daughter: Lulu, was a big rebel. Everything she has done to Sophia (elder daughter) seemed to not working to Lulu. I learned here, that every people has a unique personalities, has to received different treatment. Therefore, comparing is not necessary. I remembered, when I was young, I really hate the fact that my mother kept comparing me with my classmate who has a higher score. At one point (if I am not mistaken, I was at early Junior High School), I talked-back to her and said, “How can you compare me with my friends? I am different!”. After a lot of arguments, thanks God, my mom finally realized that comparing such things won’t do me good. It happened in the book as well, Lulu is a total different person from Sophia, frankly, she is stubborn. And that’s why Amy Chua has to given up on insisting her playing violin.

The other point of too much of something won’t do you good. Yes, you might have heard this so many times, as even to much drinking water (more than 2 liters a day) will harm your kidney. Here, Amy wrote every single bizarre things about how she tortured her daughters. But you see that she loved her daughters, and she has a great husband, who tried his best in balancing his “rudeness” to their daughters. If you read it by Amy’s point-of-view, it will look like there are no balancing act. But when you’re reading Sophia Chua-Rubenfield blogs, you’ll know that her father is the “balancing factor”.

 

I cannot help to say this, but I don’t get why people is comparing about the Chinese parenting style with Western parenting style because of this book. From all points taken from the book, what I learned is that, if you are able to combine both, you’ll be the greatest parents (sorry for my high-idealism here).

I remembered the story from my colleagues, he has a twin – a boy and a girl. Recently, in Lebaran holiday, house-maids are all returning to their hometown, therefore, my colleague here need to take a full week leave to help his wife on their 3 children. He told us that at first day taking care of them, he yelled at his son (the twin), but in return he was scolded by his wife because he shouldn’t yelled to that boy. He quite confused, but then, he learned by watching his wife that whole week that, the one that need to be scolded is actually the other twin (the girl one). This little girl is such a stubborn, and she don’t scare of anything. While the boy is more humble and sincere compared to his sister. Here I learned that even to twin, you cannot give the same treatment. You need to see what’s the personality, and how to treat them in a better way.

 

Well, I am talking like I was a parenting expert (HAHA!). The truth is, this is just my opinion from people surrounding. What’s the best parenting style? It’s truly based on yourself.

Social Creature

I remembered when I was in primary school where my social’s teacher kept stating ‘human is the most social creature’. We cannot live alone without other; no matter how independent or how we state that we are okay being alone, we are social individual.

Until my high school year, I was living with my parents. Supports and social interactions are always there. But when I move out on during my college time, conditions had changed. I am no longer living with my parents, we are still contacting each other, but it would be a total different compared to living together. In such period of time, unconsciously, I made my own so-called-family: my Friends.

I am the kind of person who says I am okay living alone and I am quite independent myself since I was young. But I’ve to admit, social support and interactions are very needed. I remembered, the first day I entered college days, I said: I didn’t need best friends or friends. Acquitance would be more than enough. The basic human’s social things proved me wrong. In just a week, I realized that my classmates in UPH Industrial Engineering class of 2005 were indeed amazing. In just 2 weeks I got a 2 very nice best friends that have ever since my best friends.

Passing college days without them would be a very terrible experience. Because without me realizing, they’ve also adding the experience and personalities to me. Departing from college wasn’t easy, but life goes on, and friends stayed as friends.

Moving on to working days. Some may say that you’ll never find best friends at workplace, best friends are only at school’s day. Well, for those people, I am truly felt sorry for them. Because I’ve found them.

Parents has built the foundation of me for perhaps about 18 years. 6 latest years I was nourished by junior-high and high school friends. 4 years of college times gave me a second ‘family’. Then since last 2 years, I am supported by the great friends at my office. How social is that?

Well, some might think that I am so dependant to others that I cannot live without the existance of those people. I will challenge to those people, of how independent I am, and how social I am as I believed on ‘yin and yang’.

For that reasons, this writing is dedicated to:
– (of course) my family: dad, mom, bro, and sis.
– hey there my college friends: Michelle Chen, Ellen Teja, and Riyanti Hamdani. You know I miss you a lot.
– and you the colleagues turned to best friends: Elsa Augustina and Sicilia Tjandra.

Written on my way home in some point of ending one chapter on my life and going through the next chapter 🙂

Jakarta, September 7th 2011