Obsessive-Compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce uneasiness, apprehension, fear, or worry, by repetitive behaviors aimed at reducing the associated anxiety, or by a combination of such obsessions and compulsions. Symptoms of the disorder include excessive washing or cleaning; repeated checking; extreme hoarding; preoccupation with sexual, violent or religious thoughts; aversion to particular numbers; and nervous rituals, such as opening and closing a door a certain number of times before entering or leaving a room. These symptoms can be alienating and time-consuming, and often cause severe emotional and financial distress. The acts of those who have OCD may appear paranoid and potentially psychotic. However, OCD sufferers generally recognize their obsessions and compulsions as irrational, and may become further distressed by this realization.
Pardon me on the long paragraph above; in short, if you are “Gleeks”, you may refer to “Emma Pillsbury” played by Jayma Mays. I am not going to explain as if I was a psychiatric, this will be my point of view of life and this OCD-term.
Since I was young, I am crazy over making system on everything; and I don’t want the system to be ruined or changed by anyone. I am the only person who is allowed to change and make the system. For example: I arrange my books based on the genre, size, (of course) the writers, and the series; I arrange my work table in orders, everything should be on the place it should be, if there is a single change, I’ll move the things into the original place. Well, because of this behavior, I was “diagnosed” as an OCD by my cousin since second year of college.
I did searched what to be exact the definition for this term. I was quite surprised there is this kind of symptoms, and for me I am not an OCD. Indeed, I found this new term: “Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)”; here’s some explanation taken from Wikipedia “The primary symptoms of OCPD can include preoccupation with remembering and paying attention to minute details and facts, following rules and regulations, compulsion to make lists and schedules, as well as rigidity/inflexibility of beliefs and/or exhibition of perfectionism that interferes with task-completion“. See the difference? There is this sentence stated in Wikipedia that I thought explain both term in the best way:
OCPD has some of the same symptoms as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). However, people with OCD have unwanted thoughts, while people with OCPD believe that their thoughts are correct.
Back to my point of view. Being defined as a person like that for the past few years, I am trying my best to get more flexible on things. Living with my sister is one of my practice. Practically, she has a habit of putting everything on everywhere (which make me mad). Early, I would raging on her and asked her to tidy up. Later, I stopped. Instead of asking around, I tried to tidy up myself, or just let it be. You know, this kind of things are really hard for me. Even at office, one of my colleague loves to tease me around. He just simply changing the position of things on my table, I’ll automatically re-arranging those into regular places.
Everything in this world have positive and negative sides. The negative sides of this are I cannot be more flexible than other people. I tend to stick on the rules as I do things. I am a inside-the-box thinker type. However, the positive side of this is I know exactly where I put things, I know where to go, how to get there, and what to do. All things have the steps, and I won’t get through the wrong path.
When you know about the positive or negative of everything, all you can do is how to utilize them to the maximum. Utilize the positive effect at the most, and try to fix the negative effect as much as we can. No one said it is easy, but when we can say “I’ve tried my best”; all things has just turned into a right place.
This writing has some connection with my previous blog: “Cheat”. I said I wanted a “God Mode”. This is part of my OCPD, as (even) in life, I would like to know, where I am going, what to get, and all certainty in life. I’ve admitted that life would be super boring if it is in God Mode, therefore, I am learning to be more flexible. I kept telling myself that there are no certainty, as life will always change, and change is the only certain things in this world. So, where ever you are who has same habit as mine, don’t worry, you’ll be fine. First, you need to admit that you are different, and you want to change. That’s what all makes you better.
Jakarta, August 12th 2011 on another point of view of life.