The Bad Guy

I am halfway finishing Amy Chua’s book of “Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mother”. Some of you have heard about the debate around this book in America. Reading this book halfway, make me thinking, what kind of person/mother I will be in the future if I am being responsible for a very big things like raising kids.

 

Walking in the department stores, regularly, I see a lot of kids running around, nagging to their parents, playing roller skates in the stores, and many other crazy stuff. I am totally not blaming on the kids, because it should be their parents who taught them how to have a good manner, how to act in certain places or situation. I always commented that their parents should scold the kids if they are acting mischievous. Some of my friends would reply “try to be one (parents). You’ll know how hard it is”. Hey, nothing is easy in this world right? We have to give our best shots, because this is one life!

So, I was reading the book halfway; all I could think of is can I be the bad guy? Frankly, I am a person that scared to be hated by the one I loved. Because of this, sometimes I am doing stupid things that I don’t like just to please them. Until I am reading this book, I realized that when something is not good and not supposed to be, I  have to be the bad guy who opposite others. Even if I have to stand alone, I still need to have stay strong on that opinion. This is easier done with friends, but I really don’t know whether I can apply this in the future as well.

I see that many of young parents these days choose to be “the good guy”. They are trying their best to be not hated by the kids, giving what the kids asked for. Well, I am not raised in that way; sometimes I was thinking, maybe because most of the young parents are raised the same way as I am; they are thinking to be different as their parents. Maybe they want to give everything to the kids, so that the kids won’t feel miserables as when they were young. But, life is tough. If you are not learning how to work hard to get what you want since young, you won’t be able to survive in this world.

 

In my humble opinion, my parents have done a very good job raising kids. We are spoiled but at the same times we are taught-well. I remember clearly how my mom strictly set the rule of no-supper at night, and small-but-enough portion for my meal 3 times daily. She said, too much will never do you good. Beside, I was chubby back then, she said, do you want to be an ugly fat girl? Oh yes, you can guess it, I hated my mom throughout those times. However, when I’ve reached my Junior High and Senior High, I am grateful that my mom had done such things. Sports can be done easier when you’re healthy (not skinny, yet not fatty); clothes are easy to be fit in this figures. You see, she was being a bad guy for 3 of us, different treatment depending our personalities. She had a lot of argument with my dad as he tend to spoil us a lot. But then, 20 years later, we are grateful of what our parents taught us. To be responsible with things, work hard to get what you want, and practically saying “it’s okay to be the bad guy, as long as you know what’s you objective”.

 

So, do you dare to be “the bad guy” here? We’ll see.

 

 

Karawaci, August 27, 2011 – when suddenly inspiration coming like water flowing.

Which one do you choose?

I don’t know how my daughters will look back on all this twenty years from now.

Quoted from “Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mother” – page 91

Everything, even bad ones, has values. Is it a good or bad values? To decide, we will need to ask ourselves, how do we choose to see things. I believed that even unfortunate events has a good values inside it as well.

 

Amy Chua told us in the book that even they were in vacation, her daughters never skip their practice for piano/violin. Even though it would cause them trip cancellation on the recreation area, she would force her daughters to practice. I am not a mom yet, but as a daughter, in that kind of condition, I would be super-mad to my mom. Because, that was supposed to be vacation, where people supposed to be having fun! Not forced to practice or study!

But then, Amy wrote in her book, will her daughter look back as it was a skipped dinner, skipped recreational time, or not having any playing time; or perhaps, they’ll see it as they play the music in front of the guess as if it was a mini-concert.

 

Before, I also wrote something about positivity. Why am I keep writing about this things? In short, I need to be reminded, everyday, every minute, every second; that I need to see things in a better way.

 

Last year, the company I worked for conduct a new organizational structure. My manager had been changed. Before the announcement, many of colleagues have told me a lot of stories about how tough this person is. He worked in a totally different way with others, where many are not surviving. As a new employee, of course I was scared to be assigned after him. But then, when you’re most scared of something, it will be more likely you’ll get it. That’s what happened.

As a person, he is an inspirational guy, care with his team, and willing to help me improve my work. But working with him is tough. While working on some presentation and discussion, I argued quite a lot to him. Sometimes, it felt like you want to hit your own manager as hard as you can be. Sometimes, it felt like you’ve done your best, but it was never enough for him. It was frustrating.

Early this year, he was moving to another division. By then, I reviewed back, with my working experience with him in the past year. Well, sometimes, I am still get mad to him, just thinking of how he treat me like my work is not enough still make me hurt. But, I choose to look at the better side. He taught me a lot of things:

  • Working environment is tough. You’ll need to show off, because your promotion is depending on other’s opinion. No matter how you hate to be on office-politics, but to be seen by other, you need to show off.
  • Details are important. Doing things faster is better, but doing things fast and in details is the best.
  • Keep asking to yourself, is it enough? If you’re the one who will receive the presentation; does the slides/information enough? Does the insight great?

Yes, because of that, I can improve well. Let’s think here, if your manager never disappointed to you, or angry to you, do you think you’re doing great? If you’re so, you’ll never improve, you’ll be left behind; as other has run faster to the goals. When you’ve choose to believe on the other side, it will define your future.

So, which side of coins do you choose?

Karawaci, August 27th, 2011 – with super-sleepy-eyes

Obeying Rules

I was on a flight back from 4 days and 3 nights Bali trip. Our flight by AirAsia was announced to be delayed about 10 minutes due to lateness from Jakarta flight. Getting to the plane, it took about another 30 minutes for the captain to announce that we are ready for flying. This time, the 30 minutes delay wasn’t because of AirAsia. It was one of the passenger who didn’t obey (read) the rules.

At first, the crew was searching for one passenger that has checked-in, but not yet in the plane. Their system is great, because they soon asked for passenger’s report whether their acquitance was cancelling his/her flight.
Nobody reported.
Then, the crew announced that they will do another boarding pass check for all passengers. The problem solved when they found out that one passenger has 2 boarding pass instead of 1. He admitted that his friend was cancelling his/her flight. However this particular passenger checked-in his friend’s ticket, and use the baggage space for himself. The crew informed him that one of his luggage need to be unloaded from the plane as one passenger is granted for one baggage + one cabin bag (not exceeding 7kg). Oh well, you would guess it, the passenger was mad, saying he was not informed before when he was checking-in.

Let me tell you something, this AirAsia has stated very well in the rules: one people is allowed for one baggage only. It’s not their fault when they found a suspicious bag without an owner (the owner was not in the flight) and they unload the bag. So, practically, it was the passenger’s fault.

I found out that my country has some serious problem in reading rules, term and condition, or manual books before doing anything. Most of us just skip those ‘theoritical’ part to ‘practical’ part. If you’re asking why, perhaps people will answer: ‘learning by practice is faster’. Previously I wrote about OCPD. As much as I am a ‘rule’ person, sometimes I skipped the reading part as well.

Again, we need to think that those rules, term and conditions, and manual books are not made to be thrown away. Those things help us to do things in a lot easier ways. You see, when somebody is not obeying the rules, they’ll not only impacting themselves, but also another people (e.g. Delayed flight).

Some will argue that rules are made to be broke. I’ll say, you better know the rules first. When you know exactly what the rules are, you may decide whether you want to obey or disobey. Of course, both will cause something, and you need to make sure that you’ll be the only person who has to responsible for the impact. Don’t let other be responsible for you.

Written on a flight from Denpasar, Bali to Jakarta on August, 20th.

Posted as soon as I am landed.

Friends Edition

Looks like I’ll have a lot of project for the next few months. “Family” project is not yet done, and now I am adding “Friends” project. Oh well, let it be. When you are living far away from your family, your friends are the most crucial things. They’ve became your family; therefore, here’s come the “Friends” project.

OCD?

Obsessive-Compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce uneasiness, apprehension, fear, or worry, by repetitive behaviors aimed at reducing the associated anxiety, or by a combination of such obsessions and compulsions. Symptoms of the disorder include excessive washing or cleaning; repeated checking; extreme hoarding; preoccupation with sexual, violent or religious thoughts; aversion to particular numbers; and nervous rituals, such as opening and closing a door a certain number of times before entering or leaving a room. These symptoms can be alienating and time-consuming, and often cause severe emotional and financial distress. The acts of those who have OCD may appear paranoid and potentially psychotic. However, OCD sufferers generally recognize their obsessions and compulsions as irrational, and may become further distressed by this realization.

Pardon me on the long paragraph above; in short, if you are “Gleeks”, you may refer to “Emma Pillsbury” played by Jayma Mays. I am not going to explain as if I was a psychiatric, this will be my point of view of life and this OCD-term.

Since I was young, I am crazy over making system on everything; and I don’t want the system to be ruined or changed by anyone. I am the only person who is allowed to change and make the system. For example: I arrange my books based on the genre, size, (of course) the writers, and the series;  I arrange my work table in orders, everything should be on the place it should be, if there is a single change, I’ll move the things into the original place. Well, because of this behavior, I was “diagnosed” as an OCD by my cousin since second year of college.

 

I did searched what to be exact the definition for this term. I was quite surprised there is this kind of symptoms, and for me I am not an OCD. Indeed, I found this new term: “Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)”; here’s some explanation taken from Wikipedia “The primary symptoms of OCPD can include preoccupation with remembering and paying attention to minute details and facts, following rules and regulations, compulsion to make lists and schedules, as well as rigidity/inflexibility of beliefs and/or exhibition of perfectionism that interferes with task-completion“. See the difference? There is this sentence stated in Wikipedia that I thought explain both term in the best way:

OCPD has some of the same symptoms as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). However, people with OCD have unwanted thoughts, while people with OCPD believe that their thoughts are correct.

Back to my point of view. Being defined as a person like that for the past few years, I am trying my best to get more flexible on things. Living with my sister is one of my practice. Practically, she has a habit of putting everything on everywhere (which make me mad). Early, I would raging on her and asked her to tidy up. Later, I stopped. Instead of asking around, I tried to tidy up myself, or just let it be. You know, this kind of things are really hard for me. Even at office, one of my colleague loves to tease me around. He just simply changing the position of things on my table, I’ll automatically re-arranging those into regular places.

 

Everything in this world have positive and negative sides. The negative sides of this are I cannot be more flexible than other people. I tend to stick on the rules as I do things. I am a inside-the-box thinker type. However, the positive side of this is I know exactly where I put things, I know where to go, how to get there, and what to do. All things have the steps, and I won’t get through the wrong path.

When you know about the positive or negative of everything, all you can do is how to utilize them to the maximum. Utilize the positive effect at the most, and try to fix the negative effect as much as we can. No one said it is easy, but when we can say “I’ve tried my best”; all things has just turned into a right place.

 

This writing has some connection with my previous blog: “Cheat”. I said I wanted a “God Mode”. This is part of my OCPD, as (even) in life, I would like to know, where I am going, what to get, and all certainty in life. I’ve admitted that life would be super boring if it is in God Mode, therefore, I am learning to be more flexible. I kept telling myself that there are no certainty, as life will always change, and change is the only certain things in this world. So, where ever you are who has same habit as mine, don’t worry, you’ll be fine. First, you need to admit that you are different, and you want to change. That’s what all makes you better.

 

Jakarta, August 12th 2011 on another point of view of life.

 

 

Cheat

Recently, I am questioning myself with this crazy question: “If I was entitled a cheat in life, what I would have as the cheat.” I posted this question on Facebook, and surprisingly, there are 2 of my friends responded on the question. One said, “eternal life” and other said “money”; while I answered “God Mode”.

 

Behind the Question

This is funny. You all know the feeling of you-think-someone-is-into-you-but-you’re-not-so-sure-about-it, don’t you? It happened to me, as it happened to other people. It put you on despair of questioning everything on the relationship (even though you know it was just a game, and there should not be any expectation in your relation). Somehow, I came up with the idea of wanting somebody to read my future, to get to know what exactly will be happened to me in the future. I was thinking, that way, life would be easier, I know how to “drive” the car of this “game of life”.

 

Why it won’t work out

BUT, as a human being, with complexity of mind, feeling, and logics; this thing will make our life super boring. You’ll think like “Oh, well, I don’t care. My life will be soon … (fill in the blank)” and you stop trying to do your best. There is one episode of Grey’s Anatomy series where Dr. George O’Maley was asked by Dr. Miranda Bailey to do everything on an-already-died-man delivered by the emergency ambulance. As a doctor, both knew that he has died, therefore O’Maley was mad, because he had to do all life-saving procedures. At the end of the episode O’Maley demand on explanation, and Dr. Bailey explained that he was asked to do all things, so at the end of the day, he could explain to the man’s family, that he has (truly) did his best.

You get the point right? This is kind of the same with the “God Mode” thing, I am “O’Maley” in this case, knowing that the man’s fate cannot be change anymore, so why would I try hard to help him? On the other hand, Dr. Bailey is teaching us that life is not predictable. You can have plan in life, you can state what is your final goal, but there are no assurances of what will happen in the end of the journey. Therefore, people will try their best, their hardest; so when they reached to the end of journey, we can said that we’ve tried our best. And at the end of the day, even though it isn’t your initial goal, the result is actually the best result you have.

I believed that most of you has heard Steve Jobs’ speech at Stanford. He was saying about “Connecting the dots”. Every single result you have, either bad or good, is the dot that he’s talking about. In reality, such idealism is hard to be applied. I am fully realized that every single day I browse through daily news, bad news will be always the top news. Good news has no fans reader and will be commented something like “why is this stupid news posted? Is it that important?” and so on, so on. Realized it or not, it affected us, it made us into such pessimistic person. I cannot command you to be optimistic, but I command myself to be one. What’s on our mind is all mattered, how you see things, and how you would try your best to do things.

 

Back to the Cheat

So, do I really need the cheat? Of course now, at the end of the day, this kind of life is the best we can get. Human will never satisfy on what they have, but this will make us try our best! Oh, just don’t be greedy, stay humble is the key point, and this life will just turn into a better place.

 

-Another note-to-self to be more grateful-

 

J-Town, August 4th 2011 when some shits happened today but I am grateful to get the best experience of that shits. 😉