Blessing

It has been a while since I write.. or do everything other than work and regular basic activity. In the past month, I’ve been put into a very crazy schedule by my work. I was having my probation on May 3rd. When you are working, preparing for probation is just like doubling your workload when your load is at the maximum scale.

Along the way, it wasn’t an easy month; I never break down on any work circumstances, no matter how hard the tasks were (hopefully this remain the same). But at one point, I was panicking, I hadn’t finished any deck for the preparation yet. While at the same time, the work inquire me to be more than occupied. At this point, I got my first blessing, the blessing of being extrovert, able to speak out when I have something in my mind. And followed by the second one, having this wonderful friend of mine that is willing to listen to me despite of his busyness. I didn’t know how to ask for help, but I went through him and just talk randomly, saying word like “I am stressed out”, “I want to kick you (of course this was a joke)”, etc. At the end, it was him who asked “what’s wrong?” and I said that I was having this preparation for freaking probation. After finished pouring all the uncertainty and fear on the probation failure, he just gave me this sentence:

Do you ever heard about “Tsunami Perspective”?

I said no, he said, imagined of those people who had gone through the Tsunami in their life. Some might lost their entire families, no home, no work, nothing to do. They are lost, literally. They don’t know what to do. Some said, you’re blessed because you’re still saved from such huge accident. But then, those who are really the victims, do they really thought that they are blessed? When everything has been forced-taken from their hand?

And then you see yourself, raging, and stressing over your probation. It’s not that your probation is not important, as it defined your future. But the point here is your problem will be solved, you will get through it well, and sometimes we are just overreacting on simple things. The point here is you need to calm down, do the work, and think less.

 

Well, it struck me, really struck me. I hold on to that phrase throughout the month. After that, I did really calm down (thanks a lot to my friend). And despite of the hard work along the way, I did really have a lot of blessing. Business partners who worked with me, despite of tons of work they gave me, they managed to tone it down because they do understand I was preparing for another deck. And then, my superior, she is just wonderful, I cannot describe how blessed I am having such a understanding and supportive superior in current work. She managed to help me on small things, to keep me focussed on preparing the deck! And then, a lot resources that suddenly came to help enriched my preparation.

Getting through this, I said to myself: It is okay to feel insecure, it is okay to feel stress out, but don’t get in it too long, why? Because I have the capabilities to finish it. You are not a human if you never feel insecure, but when you’re always insecure, than you are not maximizing what have been given to you. Out there, there are a lot of people who have their better rights of being stressful, doubtful, insecure, and anything else, yet a lot of those still survive. If they survived, why don’t you?

 

Karawaci, May 6th 2012.

Oh, I passed the probation. It felt great.

Choosing Choices

Please choose one of the choices below for this question:

What kind of life do you want to have in the future (each steps in order)?

1. Work successfully – getting married – have kids – grew up old
2. Getting married – have a great job – have kids – grew up old
3. Graduated – getting married – have a great job – grew up old
4. Don’t want to take college – looking for a business opportunity – traveling – getting married
5. …etc…
6. None of the above

In this life, every single steps we took is a choice. When you are learning to walk at the first time, you choose: to move your left or right leg first. When you are going to school, your mother making choices of school. When you are going to finish your high school, you choose whether you want to go to college, or get some job. When you are driving, you choose which path you will use. Do you remember a time when you are not choosing – or in above question you choose number 6 – “none of the above”?

Well, I did. Sometimes, it seemed that in some cases, I choose to ignoring that I have to make choice instead of choosing. But I got to admit that it didn’t last long, I learned that you can be temporary in the “grey area” like that. But eventually, you have to choose anyway.

 

I kept asking to myself why there is such things as “grey area”; and then connecting on my work as a researcher I think I might have find the reason. In my own theory, based on the consideration, there are 2 kinds of choices: the first one, I called it “historical choice” and the second one, I called it “dreaming choice“. 

In historical choice, the decision is made based on what we’ve experienced. For example, there are 3-4 paths to get to the office from home. I’ve been through all the paths and now exactly the pros and cons for each paths. Looking for certain conditions/special cases, I will choose certain path. For me, this kind of choice is the easiest one, because we already have a comparison, we already have the supporting facts. If the result is not expected, we can always put it aside as outlier, as we know that regularly, it doesn’t resulted in that way.

The second one on dreaming choice. This kind of decision has no historical data to prove that our choices are right or not. Of course, you can conduct a simple pros and cons, but then not as deep and as expected as the historical one. This is the difficult choice to made; we never sure of the result, this is when we usually picking number 6 – “none of the above”. Unfortunately, this kind of choices is usually has a big impact in life, sometimes, we made a good decision, sometimes, it wasn’t. The chances are always in 50-50, no choice is winning probabilities over other one, every single choices has same chances of result. I think this is the main reason of why this kind of choosing is the hardest part. As a person, you would like to have a “perfect” life, you would prefer to have a no-mistakes-life, you would like to be the never-wrong-guy. Therefore, we tend to left those cases in the grey area instead, hoping it will be expired soon and gone with the wind.

Well, it never expired, it never gone with the wind, they are (the cases) in the “closet” of grey area. They will be always inside that cupboard forever, unless you’re ready to grab the knob, open the door, and embrace it. Eventually, you’ll have to make the choice as well. Therefore, I would say “none of the above” is more “waiting to be choose”. And for those who wished for that “perfection” (read: me), open the door, face it, embrace it – whether the result is good or bad, it will give you one hell of experience. Beside, things always happen for reason, right?

 

So, have you made your choices today?

 

Karawaci, April 11, 2012.

P.S. Don’t forget to do what you’ve choose!

4 Month, and 4 Days

5 weeks baby on going, November baby in waiting

9 months for a wedding

an engaged-lady living a great life in Paris

 

I missed you friends… still amaze how each of you settling down greatly

“Once a cheater, always a cheater”

Sometimes, learning of life is not only coming from our experiences, but also coming from your closest one. Sometimes, it’s easier to be at the viewer point of view. Sometimes, it’s easier to judge when you’re not the one who is in the problem. Sometimes, it’s easier to be sane when you’re only advising.

*trung (sound of my BB messenger chats)*

Friend: Hey..

Friend: What are you doing?

Friend: Can I call you?

…one hour later..

Me: Hey there!

Me: Sorry, I was in a meeting, what happened dear?

…waiting for reply…

She asked to have a sleepover at my home that night, and she told me she just caught her boyfriend of one year cheating over her; with his client’s daughter. Ah well, since she said there is something happened, I don’t know why but I am kind of expecting this kind of story coming out from her mouth. She told me the whole detailed story on how she accidentally found out that her boyfriend cheating. When she finished telling me the whole detail story (well, I am not proud I’ve said this, but I did it eventually):

Once a cheater, will be always a cheater.

I know, she was just hit by the biggest shock in a day, but I was thinking, she need to be sane as well. I talked in that way because I was mad, other than that, I know exactly that my sentence is valid. He has a historical of cheating. People has been always quoting in that way, but now I truly believed that that quotation is real.

Acting wisely, when my friend asked what to do next, all I could say was: “This is your life, honey. This is your relationship; relationship should be the matter of 2 persons. Nobody is allowed to interfere. If you have problem, it’s both of your job to solve it. I cannot solve the problem to you; it won’t work anyway. But I’ll say this, you give him a chance, of what you called starting-over-period. In this period, please, calm yourself down. Don’t you dare taking any decision if you’re not calm down, yet. And then, think over these 2 choices: you want to be with him yet the insecurity will haunt you the entire life or you move on-get a new life.”

To think about what I said, I might be not fair, because it sounded like I would really love her to break up with that boy instead of staying with him. Well, there are no guarantees in life, he might be changing into a better person in the starting-over-period. But is this going to stop him from cheating forever? I don’t think so. He will manage to be a better person in this phase because he knew he has ruined things, and he didn’t want a break up. But, when the condition has back to the previous normal state, will he stay away from cheating? There is other friend of mine saying, people change, you should give him a second chance. But is he worth the second chance, if he has made you sacrifice your own happiness? For God sake, this world has been very mad enough with all the problems. I would love to have a relationship where I can have my sanity, I wouldn’t want a relationship that turn out to be my extra problem and luggage to carry over!

She really listened to me and promised to think about it. I know I cannot do much, all I can do is listening to whatever she want to talk. And only in 3 days, she turned into a state that I always afraid of: blaming herself over the failed relationship. To you all the people in the world, if you are in this kind of condition, let me remind you, you’re a victim here. It’s not your fault that he decide to cheating over a beautiful and nice relationship. I have a strong idealism on communication, and problem-should-be-solved things. If your problem is there are no communication between, you should fix it. If there is any problem, fix it, don’t let it be. Cheating is just a way of running away from the fact that there is a problem in the relationship. Sometimes, we are not realizing that we just let it slipped over, but that’s very human. What matter if it already happened is you calm down, and re-think, re-look, and re-consider, you’ll have your best answer then. As I said, there are no guarantee:

• When you decided that he/she might deserve a second chance, he/she might be cheat again
• When you decided that he/she might deserve a second chance, he/she might be really changing
• When you decided that he/she doesn’t deserve a chance, he/she might be really doesn’t deserve one
• When you decided that he/she doesn’t deserve a chance, he/she might be deserve a chance

and so on, there are a lot of probabilities in this world. But no matter what your decisions are, please do ask these questions to yourself:

Will you sacrifice your happiness? Is she/he really deserve all your decision?

Go figure, one thing, remember, this is not your fault, relationship supposed to be 2 persons life. When there is something happened, both have their own part on creating the problems.

 

Karawaci, writing this piece in order to remind me, every single incidents happened for my closest one is also a great learning.

My Post, My Life

I am quite surprise looking at my archive list, it has been 10 months since I wrote in this blog, this is the 33rd posts since then. I re-read them all, it kept reminding me of my personal life, how life has turned out be great and low in same page. This is truly my life written down. Funny, on how I am still not believing on myself that I am able to keep on doing this things (let’s pray this won’t stop).

Many people think about writing, but less of them really do the writing. There are many reasons: “I don’t know how to write”, “I don’t have much times”, “I don’t know what to write”, etc. I also used all kind of reasons I have in the past as well, but at one point I said to myself: I HAVE to do it now. It’s now or never.

It’s always hard to do things at the first time. Before I started to write “The Trapped Heat”; I planned. I planned to have environment issues, family stories, and friend stories in my blog. I have a LOT of plan to make the blog in order. It’s funny how that first post showed me that I am not that kind of writer. I am kind of free-styled in writing things. I have to admit that writing about myself sounds scary as I am about to open myself to this world. But my best writing turns out to come from myself. FYI, I have kept this blog quite a long time for myself and my closest friends only; perhaps 5 people maximum. At one point, I was thinking, “well, you’ve written down everything here, why don’t you share the world on your point of view?”. Came to 30th post, I finally managed to announce this blog to the world. I scared on how people judged me based on the writing, but then again, I should take the risk to grow as even better writer.

 

The first opinion I got is really valid, my friend said, your previous first posts was not that interesting as there is no objective-main story-conclusion flow; but along with the more writing, the story kept on producing more flowing stages. Well, I did understand that everything should be that flow; but sometimes, I forgot to make the conclusion happened, I forgot that I should have put more words into it. But then again, critics are really excepted.

Then about the story about myself, it turns out most of my friends said that what I’ve wrote down in here is not bad, I am supposed to be happy with what I can share and capable of. And some of them even enjoy it! Being frankly, I am going to confess that sometimes I think I wrote to much details on my personal. Let’s see, we’re going to fix this. I am thinking of delivering point of view based on my experience and observation instead of telling the whole story of myself. Maybe, it can help out anyone out there who read this blog with some simple opinion. Let’s see, whether I can be a better writer or not.

 

Oh, the last and the most important thing: grab your pen and paper or create your own pages, start writing now! As old proverb say: “why do it later if you can do it now?” Create no reason, no barrier, because we have no limit – it’s just the matter of you would like to try or not.

 

Karawaci, the 33rd posts and counting..

Heartbreaks

You can think of a lot of heartbreak condition, but this time, all I can think of heartbreak is: when your grandpa who has lived for almost the entire of your life together no longer remember your name. He remembered you as one of his grandchildren, he knew exactly which of his son/daughter’s children you are, but he don’t remember your name. He don’t remember what are you doing currently, he don’t know what to say anymore, he is no longer able to be the same man I grew up with. He thought you were still living in your hometown, he thought you were still young.

But when he said, “you look skinny, haven’t you eat? You should eat much. You should eat enough”, the heartbreak has just gone away, changed into a very warm feeling in the heart. He still cared for you, that’s what’s more important. :’)

Gifts

Who don’t love to get a gift? Well, I think everybody do love a gift. It showed that somebody really care for us. It showed that somebody really thought of us. Recently, my colleagues went for vacation and he back with souvenirs for each of us at the office. I think it was really thoughtfull of him, and I don’t think I am really thanking him on the souvenirs.

Why am I thinking that I am not really thanking him on the souvenir? Well, when he gave me the gift, it kind of surprising, because I was new to the team. I don’t expect to get one, and it kind of awkward to be that expressive (I am not the type of “expressive” person, I am more like “serious”). Not that I am not like getting a gift, but I don’t get used to get a gift.

Maybe this has a connection with my way of growing up. My parents gave us gift in each of our birthday – well, it’s really expected. Whenever my uncles/aunties went for vacation, they would bring some souvenirs as well. But, when you’ve grown up, this kind of things are fading away. People love to get gifts for youngsters, because they think it is cute, but when you’re a grown up already, gift is no longer necessary because you became more independent. I am really fine with this thought, I think it is supposed to be like that. But then, in term of gift, I am more “giver” than “receiver”. I don’t mind spending money for buying non-sense things to my sister. I don’t mind spending more for my parents’ anniversary gifts. I don’t mind spending money for my brother/sister’s birthday. I DO love to give them gift. It just, that happy feeling when you see that they unwrapped the wrapping paper, openning the box, and get to know what’s inside.

Therefore, it felt really awkward whenever somebody giving me a gift. I don’t know how to react. Some able to express their gratitude by smiling widely and saying their gratitude in a loud and expressive way. Well, I realized that I am just smiling awkwardly and saying thank you and than that’s it. But  you know, it doesn’t mean I am not happy, I just don’t know how to react (it’s even worst if the gift is given in a really-really-really unexpected time).

 

So, dear friend-who-had-gave-me-present, I am sorry if it seemed like I am not happy with my gift. It’s not that I am not happy with your gift, it just I am not used to getting a gift. But, deep inside my heart, I am really gratefull of every gifts you have gave me. Each of the gift is just so precious.

 

Friday night at office, waiting for the traffic to get slightly better (you know Jakarta in Friday night with rain).

Friday Dining Out

This title has been stuck in my draft for around 4 months; yet, I’ve never started it. Today, it will be not only a title anymore.

 

As I have said many time (perhaps not in this post), I am truly a blessed person, who landed in a such a great place as my first job after I graduated. This is also another ritual-turned-habit that is just precious.

It started with one of my colleague asked me out on Friday night to have some dinner with girls. I remembered back then, the friday night dinner was attended by girls. If I am not mistaken, it was around 4-7 girls. Well, times went on, and some of the girls, resigned, moved to another company. Until at one period, the regular gang that went out for dinner is always me, 2 of my best friend-slashed-colleauges, and 1 girl who had resigned before I even landed on that company. It was nice though, until one of them was moving to Singapore, one decided to pursue her post-graduate degree in Australia, and only 2 of us remained.

It kind of sad that the team was declined periodically. But then, life goes on, people come and go, and you need to adapt, right? So, we (the 2 people left) decided to invade other dinning group. It’s the more “senior” group (when I said senior, it doesn’t necessary old it just they have been in the company minimum 4-5 years ahead from us). This group are bigger, with crazier variety of dining places than previous one. On fairness, both cannot be compare because both have their own fun.

 

Well, I was thinking that this kind of activity is really fun. Until few month ago, I found out that this is not just fun, but it is something really precious for me. I don’t realize that when Monday has came, I eager for Friday, not because the weekend for the first place, but for the chances meeting friends on Friday night. Yes, you read this often in my posts, I’ve been moving to other company, which makes this dining out even felt more and more precious. I get the chances to meet with beloved friends, I get the chances to talk non-sense with them, I get the chances to update any gossips and talks that happened around my friends, I get the chances to have serious-talk when I am down, I get the chances of joking around with them, and the most important of all, I get to know that my life probably has changed, but my friends remain beside me.

 

I am considering this as my way of balancing my life. Work has been great and tough at the same time (but it is really full of great and interesting challenge). But then, as the old wise Chinese said: Yin and Yang, I need to have fun as well. Friday dining out is just great, and I am grateful that back then, my colleagues were persistent to ask me out despite of my early few rejections.

 

Karawaci, 26 February 2012. 30th posts at WordPress, and I think I will finally put my blog address on my social networking profile.

 

To DO List

Hey ya there! I have been quite busy as a bee since the last post; suddenly I realized “Look! It’s all most the end of February already!”. Not much writing on this topic, just throwing up some point of view on to do list.

 

I’ve wrote that I am actually a neat freak, this also happened for my work. I will always pile up everything in order, and I do find out that the to do list things help me the best. Once, I compared the way I work when I used to do list and when I don’t. Somehow, I am (probably) suggested that when I’ve wrote down what to do, I need to tick it. In order to tick it I have to do it, therefore, there are no works missed. But when I don’t do any to do list, I tend to forgetting what I am supposed to do.

Well, I got to admit that sometimes I am so lazy to make any to do list, but I forced myself to do so. Here’s some peek to my to-do-list at a post-it note:

… or in my binder page:

 

Anyway, have a good weekend!

 

P.S. It really does give you a happy feeling when you are able to tick it one-by-one!

What’s Your Hobby?

There is a quite interesting office test I went through few years ago. Every applicant who has gone through the last test is required to make an analysis and presentation using a string of market data. Other than that, there is an extra task to do: making one presentation slide explaining about my own hobby.

I don’t know about other countries culture; but in Indonesia here, most of people are tend to be confused when they are asked about “what’s your hobby?” Therefore, there is some most common “hobby” mentioned by people:

• Reading books
• Watching movies
• Listening to music/song
• Travelling (travelling here include: walking around department stores, it doesn’t necessary travelling to other cities or to other travel sites – well maybe it’s better to be called “wandering around” )

Let’s get back to what is hobby first; based on Wikipedia, “hobbies are practiced for interest and enjoyment, rather than financial reward. Examples include collecting, creative and artistic pursuits, making, tinkering, sports and adult education”.

I am not saying that people who mentioned reading books, watching movies, or listening to music/song are just clueless about their hobby, it just we need to re-look, and redefine is that really our hobby? Are those really our interest? Are we really enjoying the process of doing those things? If you are able to say yes for both questions, it is your hobby anyway.

Why am I writing about hobby? I remember, once a person who I really look for among my colleagues, said “hobby is the way of balancing your life, everyday; you’ve been working from days to nights. What’s balancing? Hobby will do it for you”. Since then, I kept on asking what’s hobby for me, it’s not supposed to be what I am good at, it just what I love to do the most. Wikipedia gave a very good example, a Chef love and interested in playing game, while a Professional Gamers love to do cooking. When you are doing it as a numeration, I agree, it’s no longer a hobby. In my humble opinion, when you said I love my current job because it is my hobby, I’ll going to response, it is no longer your hobby. You’ve just upgraded your hobby definition into “passion”. I think it has quite significant difference.

 

So, I passed the test, I got the job, and my hobby is reading books . I am interested in books: the content, the writer, the mind mapping of the writers, the layout, the papers, the cover, the borders, the size, and every little detail in the books. I enjoy reading, I got some “me” time by reading, and if I found out the story very interesting, I am able to tell you the full detailed story.

What’s your hobby mate?

Jakarta, February 2^nd, 2012. When I realized I haven’t spent too much time reading my books collections.